Voters agree with party leaders: imaginary issues 1000 times more important than health, education

QUÉBEC CITY -- After four weeks of campaigning, voters seem to have agreed with Québec's four major party leaders that the most important issues facing Québec are imaginary turban-wearing policemen and hypothetical referendums, while health and education are by far the least important issues.

"I don't mind waiting in a hospital for 20 hours to be seen, as long as the doctor who sees me isn't wearing a turban," said a Patrick Sauvé, a one-legged man in the waiting room at Sainte-Justine Hospital, sitting beside his recently-severed leg.

"The only words I need to learn to read in school are "oui", and "non", said a Noémie, a 5-year-old child whose Commission Scolaire de Montréal school has been slated for closure next year.

Liberal leader Philippe Couillard said that he was pleased that Quebecers were focusing on imaginary issues rather than "divisive" real issues.  Premier Pauline Marois said that her biggest regret during the campaign was that she did not get to speak about the most imaginary important issue facing Quebecers, being the proliferation of Mahjong boards on public highways