Drunken chimps who drew riding boundaries will determine Québec election outcome

HEMMINGFORD -- With polls showing the Parti Québécois and opposition Liberals east with 37% support, the April 7 election will be decided by the drunken chimpanzees from Parc Safari who drew Québec's 125 riding boundaries.

The chimpanzees are hired by the Director General of Election every ten years to create new electoral boundaries by being given large maps and pencil crayons.  They are then given typewriters to choose the names for each riding. 

"That is why one riding can have 10,000 or more people in it than a bordering riding," said the Director General of Elections. "We would try to point out that it would be possible to make the ridings more even and fairer, but then the chimps would start screaming and throwing their pencils at us." 

The Director General explained that providing copious alcohol to the chimpanzees before they begin drawing the boundary lines is required by the Elections Act.